how can u be prego again
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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