She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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