better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
