Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
