Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
