Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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