I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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