I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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