Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
