I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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