ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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