He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
