Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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