Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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