I wanna passion pit in your ass
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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