Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize