So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize