your room smells of hookers.
And success
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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