I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
