Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
