I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
