she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
