those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
