I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
