Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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