; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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