Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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