somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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