Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
