Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this boner is exhausting
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
