omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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