Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
