You just made me feel so damn special
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
