The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
