he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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