I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
