im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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