Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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