Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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