ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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