me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
