i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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