No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You made out with two different species that night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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