I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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