OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
