apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
