just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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