i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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