i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
