all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
