Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
