he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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