I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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