so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize