He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
