I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
