Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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