i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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