After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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