allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
