birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
