ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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