have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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